Carol Gray Kennedy

I read an article today in the New York Times about the question of whether vacations make us happier. It’s a time of year a lot of us are taking time off and/or getting away. Interestingly, the study showed the biggest boost in happiness came from anticipating a holiday. This made me think about the value of visualization for stress relief.

Most therapists have taught or used the tool of visualization in training others to de-stress themselves. This usually involves taking an internal journey to a time or place that created peace in the subject at some point in time,..but it can certainly be a ‘made up’ place, as well. In practicing this skill, you  ask yourself or another person to imagine the sights, sounds, and smells of a relaxing place, engaging all the senses so the brain can feel respite.

When we plan our vacations, I suppose there’s a lot of that, too. We plan the place we will rest, the restaurants we might check out, the sights and sounds, or the many choices of a work-free day at home. We anticipate. And it’s usually those daydreams that keep us moving through the usual grind until that time arrives. The tasks of getting ready make the vacation real before it begins.

So, maybe this gives us some insight into how we can take a mini-vacation or trip to Peaceful even when our schedules only allow us a 20 minute break or a weekend hour. Following our internal bliss to a place that is waiting for us to just notice it, we can experience a different view of our lives. If you aren’t able to take a trip, allow yourself to browse travel websites or read about a faraway place,….or a not-so-faraway place,…and see if your creative potential for imagining increases!

By the way, the article concluded that travelling vacations did not make subjects happier than their non-travelling co-workers,..unless the vacation was described as “relaxing”, in which case, the happiness factor continued 2 weeks beyond the vacation. Those who felt their vacation was neutral or stressful were no more happy, and the remaining fact was that anticipation and planning the vacation was what increased happiness in the group of travellers as a whole.

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Thoughts lie to us all the time. Surprised? Check it out for yourself. Pay attention to your mind for a few minutes. What is it saying? Cognitive scientists believe over 90% of our thoughts are negative.

Without being fully aware, we can be thinking global thoughts like “I’ll never get anywhere,” “Nobody cares,” “I’m unlucky”, etc. and not even realize that our biology has made it real easy to globalize one negative event or feeling without us even having to work at it!

Biologically, it may be that this was very helpful when we faced more immediate and environmental hazards during the hunt for food or in weathering the elements more directly. Our minds trap and ruminate thoughts of possible danger and make it a universal threat so we will hopefully avoid the same danger in the future. This might be good for survival in a physical sense, but is it good for us mentally and spiritually?

Because of the hard wiring of our brains, it might be a useful tool to check in periodically and make sure we are not believing every alarm that goes off in our bodies and minds. It might help to ask, “Is this true?” fairly often.

For example, if I am cut in front of on the highway and the other car gets too close for comfort, it is appropriate that I ‘come to attention’ in order to avoid a collision. If I am conscious of my thought process, however, I may notice fear and negative thinking long after it is needed or useful. Maybe my body is trying to keep me safe by staying alert to possible and future collisions, but that’s no way to spend the day!

Our stress cycles last at least 20 to 30 minutes once they are activated, but we can keep ourselves moving toward a more relaxed state of mind if we use our minds to check in with the emotions and see what beliefs are driving them. If I am aware that my thought is that I am in danger, I will feel fear and arousal. If I can ask myself if it is true that I am in danger and answer ‘no’, then I may relax and carry on with the rest of my day in a more peaceful and detached place.

Our minds are amazing. They can keep us safe, and they can keep us captive. It’s knowing when to be the observer and question those thoughts that may help us distinguish which is appropriate for the present moment. The sayer of “I think, therefore I am” may have been on to something, but it may be good to add “I think, therefore I need to be aware of what I think.” Doesn’t sound as eloquent, but it may help us lead more satisfying lives.

Well - Daily Giving Is Seen as a Healthful Treatment - NYTimes.com

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It’s a rainy, November day. I thought this would be a good day to talk about nurturing the self through darker months. Many suffer from SAD this time of year, or feel an extra stress of family gatherings, less light, or the chill of winter.

In summer, it is a time for many of being externally fed by warmth, sun, growing plants and flowers, the feel of grass or sand on bare feet.The cold months, although certainly not devoid of it’s own pleasures, can be a more introverted time.

Winter, especially, is a time of going inward, or hibernating. So, what can we do to raise our spirits or feel filled up? Many struggle with how to nurture themselves or do not recognize what behaviors do this which are already present. Without recognition, one cannot increase those behaviors consciously.

All of us regenerate in different ways. There are some general catagories, however, that you may recognize you feel more drawn to. A few of those areas might be  movement, creativity, human contact, animal contact, community, or contributing. Let’s look at each for some places to increase the lightness of being during this time of year.

First of all, movement is especially important if you suffer from anxiety or depression. Exercise has been proven over and over again to rival anti-depressants in effectiveness  in reducing symptoms of mood disorders. Exercise in all its forms can lead to lower cortisol levels, higher levels of serotonin, and a variety of other “feel good” biochemical reactions. Whether you like to dance, run, stretch, play games, or other movement-related tasks,…moving 30 minutes a day is a great place to start.

Creativity is another great way to purge difficult or stuck feelings. It’s also fun! There are so many ways to be creative with all the ideas online, in craft stores, or through art classes. Maybe you have a friend who would be willing to make a craft date with you or teach you a skill. Maybe it’s a more private experiment you undertake. However you bring something into the world-you are creating already. See how good it feels!

Contact with other “beings”, whether human, animal, or nature based can enrich our lives tremendously. No matter how solitary we may be, we all need this. Sometimes trauma can move us away from wanting to be with others or we have a difficult time tolerating this. It’s still important to have people we have built trusting relationships with. Our animal friends give us unconditional love, so they can be a little easier to allow closeness with. They are very healing for many. And nature is always waiting for us to step outside and enjoy the blessing available with the trees, water bodies, rocks, and more.

Contributing is a great way to get out of a funk or to make a difference. Think about your values and interests and decide what is the most moving place for you to start. There are countless people, causes, places, and more that need our efforts and interest. When we are giving back, we are going to know that it matters we get up in the morning, and it feels great!

Community is available to us if we take time to decide whom it is we wish to join hearts with. There are many sub-communities and the larger community that we belong to. Maybe this is a time you explore if you have enough sense of belonging in one, and create more community based experiences if not. There are many publications or resources online to find groups to join, efforts to join,….and if you don’t like the first or second one you try~keep going!

Although its a less extroverted time of year for many, this can be a very rich time of going inward and discovering what is missing from your life experience. The shift from outward to inward is difficult, but there are treasures within all of us that the darkness helps us find.

Mind - How Nonsense Sharpens the Intellect - NYTimes.com

Understanding the Anxious Mind - NYTimes.com

As summer comes to a close and fall begins to emerge, it feels to me like a time to come inside and go inward. This can cause a touch of panic in me, when I wonder if my own company is something I need more of. It’s not that I don’t like myself, but summer tends to be extroverted and a time of coming together with friends and adventure. The approaching cold feels like an ominous overseer of more quiet and inside times.

I think the cure for this intrepidation I feel is remembering community. I like to think of all the communities that I am part of. These are the people that I can reach out to, join up with, play with, and celebrate times inside around a heat source. I still need the outdoors and it’s sun, scents, and its movement,…but remembering community makes the thought of colder months more appealing to me.

My sister loves winter. She is happy to see the summer go. I envy her. Here in Maine, there seems to be much more time for chill than warmth. But she loves the introverted processes of winter and the creative places she can bring forth from the days of darkness and cold.

I try to remember that balance in everything is a good protocol in life, and appreciate the gifts of each season as it comes. I have to say, however,…I will probably be drawing more from my various communities as the days grow shorter and the chill sets in. May you have community and warmth in the coming season!

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